I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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