Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
