Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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