I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Randomize
