I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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