Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I still have a little drunk in my system
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I'm really busy with my period
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