Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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