she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
