Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Girls should come with a carfax report
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?