I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles