so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
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Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
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normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it