someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
