It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
