just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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