She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
