marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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