I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
