Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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