youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
