It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
