Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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