and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Im part way to drunk.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
