I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
