I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
