he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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