I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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