Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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