nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
