am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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