She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize