My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
