Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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