I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
