I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
