I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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