it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
