sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
