I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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