If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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