The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
