Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
