she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
