if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
