Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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