Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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