no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
