using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
