I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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