I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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