considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
