He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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