Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish I only lived at night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
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I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Alive.
So much puke
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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