Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ladies don't puke and tell
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