You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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