i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
