Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
