He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
two words...techno handjob
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
