If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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