Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
