im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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