Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize