i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
